Former X-Factor contestant Ben Mills was beaten into second place at the "Pub Fun" karaoke competition, at a small bar in Wilmington-On-Sea last night. The singer was said to be devastated after a voting panel of locals gave the £17 first prize to Edna Sprogget, 59, for her rendition of "Underneath The Arches."
It has been known for some time that Mr. Mills has been unable to get proper work since the release of his last CD, sales of which collapsed due to internet piracy. "It was on t'internet within minutes of the phone polls closing," his agent said, "We can't compete with that."
According to other managers, tickets for the last show at the Glasgow Apollo had not been selling well, and so it was decided that he should enter a few local karaoke competitions just to keep his hand in.
Locals at the bar were "surprised" by Ben's appearance, and the organisers were adamant that he wouldn't get to bring the grand piano in through the fire exit. "The pub isn't big enough for that," they said, "In any case, he would have had an unfair advantage over the others."
The voting panel, comprised of the landlord, Tony "Chopper" Wiggins, and several other regulars who preferred to remain anonymous. Tony denied claims that there was any favouritism involved.
"We get outsiders coming in here trying to win our quizzes, too," he said, "But we have some smart lads in here, they don't make it easy. As to the singing, well, Mr. Mills was very good, but you can't beat an old favourite like the "Arches", especially when she showed a bit of that knicker elastic."
Third place went to local chav Jimmy Nail, for a rendition of "Crocodile Shoes."