Written by Deanna Goodson
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Tuesday, 17 February 2004

image for 2004 Best and Worst Tressed Male Celebrities.
Moby: A Real Hair-Raiser

New York City, NY -- Celebrity Hair stylist to the stars, Jai de la Jai Lai, released his top ten best and worst tressed list today. There were very few surprises. John Kerry, the Democratic frontrunner for the presidential nomination, and Donald Trump, billionaire, businessman and television star, were put at the top of the worst-tressed list.

The two horribly coiffed men were tied for the top spot. "I could not decide between them. They both give me nightmares." de la Jai Lai was quotes as saying at his salon, Eau de Coiffure.

There was no official reply from Kerry's camp, although a junior aide mentioned that NASA called and asked if they could run some tests on the substance Kerry uses to keep his hair in place. It would help them prevent tragedies like the Columbia.

Donald Trump announced, "Na, na, na, na, na. I am one of the richest men in the world. I have a beautiful girlfriend, a fabulous apartment and the best show on Television with the Apprentice. It's on Wednesdays and Thursdays on NBC."

Later, he could be heard mumbling, "He's fired."

Rounding out the Top Ten were:
Don King, Nick Nolte, Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, Ben Affleck, Newt Gingrich, Justin Timberlake, and Clay Aiken.

As for the Top Ten Best Tressed Men:

  1. Tom Cruise
  2. The Cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
  3. Moby
  4. Michael Stipe
  5. Sean Connery
  6. Kermit the Frog
  7. Ryan Seacrest from American Idol fame
  8. Johnny Depp
  9. Peter Jackson, Director, Lord of the Rings
  10. George W. Bush

For complete details, interviews of the winners and losers as well as special hair care tricks from Jai de Jai Lai check out his website http://haircare4men.com.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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