Michael Jackson has cancelled his comeback tour and also plans to change the title of his new album from "To Paris With Love" to, "Shagged by a Hilton". Paris Hilton has left Jackson and now plans to wed a pennyless Englishman, whose only claim to fame is that he is the editor/administrator of a money losing spoof rag on the internet.
The man's name Mark Lowton, and he had this to say about his wedding plans, "Well we plan to wed in the writer's lounge, which is being built as we speak on a cliff near Dover. Of course marrying a woman with money has its advantages, I think we can really turn our internet venture around and of course the writers are looking forward to having a lounge and peanuts, maybe even a bar...if they're willing to pay for it that is, I don't condone all of their indulgences."
Paris seemed a lot more practical than romantic about the marriage. "One of the points in our prenup is that there will be no more stories about me. I don't mean to be a bad sport.....and I do love him even though we only just met. It was kind of an odd meeting I guess, I caught him dumpster diving outside my hotel in London. Then he explained that he had lost his hat...Oh and the other point in our prenup is that I've sworn myself to celibacy."
"Yes I signed it, I mean were talking Paris Hilton here, how much more do I have to say. Don't worry, I won't be lonely, said Lowton, "There's a little sheep I know in West Virginia that I've had my eye on."