Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 7 July 2007

image for Big Brother Laura Sleeps Through Her Eviction
"2.37pm..Laura is sleeping"

Big Brother gave up its fourth evictee last night when Welsh Laura was dismissed from the House to a chorus of boos, but the sleepyheaded dimwit slept through her eviction and had to be woken up by security guards.

Laura, who weighs more than a small car, has been the laziest housemate in the history of the show, having spent an amazing 683 of her 888 hours in the House under her duvet.

Other housemates, including cleaning lady Carole, voiced their complaints in the Diary Room last week, Carole saying that she could smell Laura's leopard print dressing gown "from any part of the House".

Laura was nominated for eviction with prospective Spice Girl Chanelle, but received 94% of the public vote, and, still dozing, was taken straight back to the Valleys for a reunion with her oikish family last night.

When Big Brother host Davina McCall spoke to Laura by telephone and asked her if she had learnt anything from her experience in the House, the slug said:

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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