Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Aishwarya Rai

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

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The Goddess Masked: Aishwarya is the bees knees

London - (Ass Mess): Vague magazine has ranked Aishwarya Rai one of the Top Ten Living Goddesses of All Time.

The publication's rankings list a bevy of popular beauties along with readers comments.

Aishwarya attracts the highest praise from readers who rate her as the 'archetypal living goddess' who needs no adornment, liposuction, botox injections, facial implants or other enhancements to continue to stun the world with her awesome looks.

Readers have also chosen other movie actresses such as Angelina Jolie in the Top Ten Pantheon of desirable women.

But the overwhelming reaction of those surveyed is that Angelina's pout is a plastic fabrication created by using four ounces of 'restylane' lip filler.

Some have gone as far as calling her 'fish face' and think that without daily top ups of the botox needle Angelina's face will soon be as saggy as her pre-liposuction derriere.

Christy Turlington ranks alongside Rai and Joile and seems to have a broad appeal in the US for an 'unsullied kind of prettiness'.

Meanwhile Jordan's Queen Rania has mysteriously managed to slither her way into the rankings "probably because she paid the magazine's editors or threatened them with a lawwsuit if not included" according to one reader's comment.

Mystery too surrounds the inclusion of TV cook Nigella Lawson whose years of on-screen simpering in daft itsy bitsy cashmere cardies have left a nervous twitch at the side of her mouth that appears only pacified with copious doses of intra-nasal cocaine every day.

Kate Moss makes the grade, but only because the magazine seemed to be running out of names in the blonde section of its listings after Paris Hilton was scratched because she was in jail at the time the July edition of the magazine hit the newsstands.

And finally Charlotte of Monaco's inclusion has been laughed at by 95% of the magazine's readers who say that she may be "sorta pretty" that her good looks only appeal to the McDonalds-eating public and that really she has a very common little face "to match the common flat-chested little body" that could be anybody's: "And probably is!"

"And none of these little beauties compares to our Aishwarya!" seems to be the final verdict.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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