Rod Stewart announced today that he has had piles for most of his life. Opening up in a candid interview with Viz magazine Rod (57) said this was the reason for the way he stood on stage and wasn't his way of alluring the opposite sex.
It all dates back from his youth when he was made to sit on a stone wall outside the local pub where his parent drank every weekend. "They used to send out glasses of "apple juice" to me" said Rod (68), "but it wasn't until I was older that I realised it was whisky. This is why my voice is like it is."
The ageing crooner (83) added, "I thought it was time to tell the world my secret before I became old and insane. And yes, Scotland will win the next World Cup."
With that, Rod (95) grabbed his ice pack and waddled into the hospitality tent.