Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Kate Moss

Sunday, 1 July 2007

image for Saggy buttocks blamed as Agent Provocateur dumps Kate Moss
Bare-faced cheek: Kate Moss in the heyday of her Agent Provocateur contract

London - (Ass Mess): Lingerie retailer Agent Provocateur has said it has dumped model Kate Moss after one of her saggy buttocks fell off this weekend following too much non-nasal cocaine intake.

Moss, 39, has always said she prefers to keep her nose clean and has had a wicked appetite for the Class A drug ever since the age of 14.

Her unusual intake preferences may be responsible for one of the model's fabled gluteus maximuses sagging tragically until completely dropping off altogether on Saturday night.

"Clearly this is muscle wastage at its most extreme," a liposuction clinic source said today.

"Experts might be able to reattach the bot but we think an artifical replacement might be safer because the old one has withered itself beyond redemption."

Meanwhile Kate is staying tight-lipped about the loss of the £500,000 per annum contract that stipulated the necessity for both buttock cheeks in promoting Agent Provocateur's racy catalogue of fantasy lingerie of standard two-buttocked panties, thongs and shorts.

"This was a tragedy waiting to happen," a Vague Magazine editor said today.

"But hopefully Kate will get over it and have a plastic one sewn on like all the rest of us."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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