Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 1 July 2007

image for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Answers Mysteries of Series
Watch for it in theatres!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows answers several of the mysteries and questions asked by the other books and movies. In a sneak peek of the newest best seller, this publication learned that several things will be cleared up in the final volume. We'll try not to spoil too many secrets!

Solved mysteries include:

Is Harry's scar the result of a cut or a burn mark? (see page 37)

Is Dumbledore really dead? (page 446)

Why is Hermione a homely girl in the books but cute in the movies? (that's just marketing, stupid!)

Is Snape a good guy or a bad guy? (good on page 43, changes on 147, changes again on 216, changes again on 297, changes again on 351, .....no real solution or answer in the end).

Do Ron and Hermione ever get together? (Does anyone really care?)

Does Hagrid ever get a girl? (with something that big in the giant's pants, it takes all of chapters 14 and 15 and a big bottle of vaseline)

How old will the actors be when they finally make Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows into a movie? (Not answered in the book, stupid! But, the "kids" will all be on geritol and wearing depends)

Does anyone die? (we're all going to die...but I'll let you read this one for yourself)

Will there ever be a book eight? (Would you turn down the potential millions for writing "Harry Potter's and the Oops! Cho's Late Pregnancy Scare"?)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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