New York - (Ass Mess): TV anchorwoman Mika Brzezinski, co-presenter of MSNBC's Morning Joe programme, finally spoke up for the millions of ordinary, dumb-struck American viewers and set Paris Hilton on fire on live TV.
"I just had enough of that pouting peroxide airhead and did what any sane American man or woman would in my position," Brzezinski said today.
"I've always been a great admirer of self-immolation cults that say that when the show's over it's time to go up in smoke, bigtime.
"So I got a can of lighter gas and sprayed it all over the little jailbird and then woosh! Shoulda seen her burst into flames! What a firecracker!"
Brzezinski then admitted that "some people think I just screwed up. But I just didn't believe in ever covering another Paris Hilton story ever again in my life and this seemed a good way to make a bid statement."
Some TV viewers were horrified watching Hilton burst into flames while others cheered on as if she was a panmtomime stage show, joining a long lost love on the pyre of ritual immolation.
TV bosses were said to be livid at first but when told that their ratings had soared to an unprecedented 200 million for the morning's edition there were few mixed feelings about the event.
Meanwhile Paris Hilton was rushed immediately to a hairdresser for remedial coiffage and extension treatment before being released with a clean bill of health.
Video footage of the entire spectacle is available from the program makers in NYC.