Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Wednesday, 27 June 2007

image for Jessica Simpson Shocker IQ--180!

(Hollywood--CA) In front of a gathering of reporters at the Regent-Beverly Wilshire hotel, Jessica Simpson calmly said: "I'm about to drop a bomb." After a second, there was a loud windbreak. "And now the news. I have a 180 I.Q."

Simpson claimed that she recently took the "noted" Tickle IQ test and scored a 180, adding "I even got the questions right with the numbers." The once "other" virgin now "popped "diva then put on a pair of sunglasses. "Now that I'm smart, I should wear these." When a reporter asked shouldn't those be glasses? Simpson replied: "How could I keep two glasses strapped to my head, Silly."

Most members of the press greeted the announcement with skepticism, especially after a short division challenge. Simpson pulled out a calculator. "It's my second favorite handheld device that needs batteries." However, proud Father/Manager, Joe Simpson, was quick to convert unbelievers. "My Jessie is a genius. It's that Paris Hilton who's a moron. She drove drunk in a Mercedes! Who does that? A moron and a Nazi."

Jessica then addressed the new burdens and benefits of her startling discovery. "I don't really feel any different, but now I look at a map of the United States and I think: 'Oh that's where I live, on the left part. And it's like: 'Oh, I guess I do have an I.Q.'" And the negatives? "I get lots of spam. WAY MORE since before I took the test. I guess people just want to touch my smartness."

A final question was asked of Simpson. Was this an attempt to divert attention from the fact that the recently jail free Paris Hilton claimed that she was smart? "How smart is Paris? Smart enough to stay out of jail? I don't think so," to which Joe Simpson added an expletive laced litany focusing on the dietary habits of Paris, which were unprintable though colorful, ending with "Heil Paris, drunken Nazi."

FUN FACT:Jessica Simpson, like fellow blond Sharon Stone, has a genius IQ, but blond (now bald) Britney Spears is still the only pop star to do a Sharon Stone Basic Instinct impersonation on the Internet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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