Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 27 June 2007

image for EastEnders Sex Warnings Applauded By Young Viewers
"There's summink you ain't tellin' me"

An attempt by EastEnders producers to warn young people about the dangers of 'sex', was a success, says the BBC, with switchboards jammed and emails pouring in to its website.

The BBC allowed the show to include explicit references to 'sex', in the hope that younger viewers who are curious about trying a bit of rumpy-pumpy, would think twice before jumping into bed, once they understood the risks involved.

In last night's show, the word 'sex' was mentioned fourteen times (on six occasions preceded by 'have' or 'having'), and 'massage' five times, which very strongly hinted at 'banging wizened old crones'. The word 'underwear' was used ten times, along with graphic images of Bradley rummaging through Stacey's knicker drawer.

The move by the BBC is seen as a bold one, and has received the backing of some health officials.

Dr Ruth Westheimer, herself a wizened old crone, is a lecturer in Sex Matters at the University of Life in New York. It said:

"Sex amongst young people is like a virus. It can cause 'love' and, in some cases, 'marriage'. This, in turn, can lead to 'dissatisfaction', 'divorce' and 'death'. I call it the three 'D's. Youngsters should be very careful."

Children as young as 8 contacted the BBC website to voice their concerns and opinions. One of them, Adam, aged 11, said:

"It was a shock to my system. I'll think twice before I indulge in sexual activity."

Timothy, of Scunthorpe, who is only 9, was genuinely worried:

"EastEnders really opened my eyes. That's the last time I go dogging."

Girls, too, were worried. Chardonnay, who is nearly 12, from Macclesfield, said that she had never been told about the dangers of underage sex:

"It was really informative, very refreshing. Me and the kids enjoyed it immensely. I congratulate the producers of EastEnders for this extremely bold move."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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