Written by Jalapenoman
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Tuesday, 26 June 2007

image for Germany Says No To Tom Cruise WWII Film
Cruise wants to make a movie about a failed plot to kill Hitler

The German Government has said "nein" to attempts by Tom Cruise to film a movie about an assassination attempt against Adolf Hitler. Saying that the noted Scientologist is not a member of a real church, they do not believe he should be permitted to make a film in thier country.

At a news conference from his home, Tom Cruise addressed the issue while jumping up and down on his couch. "Sure, I want to make this movie. Sure, I think Hitler was a bad guy. But, just because I go to a different church than the German government people is not a reason to stop this movie!"

Cruise was interrupted by a young girl bringing Kool-Aid (in 6 ounce dixie cups) and oreo cookies in to the reporters. He introduced them to his wife Katie and then returned her to her shackles in the kitchen before proceeding with his statement.

"Just for this, I'm going to have to tell you about their history. Psychology is a fake science and Germany has a fake government. Just like there is no such thing as post partum depression, there is no such thing as a German government. I know because I've studied these things and what L. Ron Hubbard (founder of Scientology) had to say about it."

When reporters asked Cruise to please stop jumping on the couch and come down to their level to talk with them, they discovered that he was only five foot, two inches tall.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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