Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 25 June 2007

image for Divorce of Lindsay Lohan Parents Gets Bitter
The custody of Lindsay's underwear is at the center of a court case

The divorce of the parents of Lindsay Lohan has gotten even more vidictive and bitter. When both parents found out that they could not get custody of their daughter (and control of her bank account) due to her being over 18 years old, they each tried a new tack.

Michael Lohan, Lindsay's father, has some items of his daughter's in his posession that his estranged wife wants. Dina Lohan is suing for custody and control of the training bras and panties of her daughter from her early teenage years (which are currently in an L.A. storage shed rented out to Mr. Lohan).

He is currently offering these items for sale on E-Bay to the highest bidder. Dina claims that, as Lindsay's mother, she was the one who took her daughter shopping and is also female and should have right of possession and control of the undergarments.

Michael, however, says in a countersuit that he paid for these while his wife was out partying with their teenage daughter and teaching her how to be a young skank.

Several unnamed Hollywood actors and Pop music stars, who have requested anonymity, have enquired if there is any DNA evidence in the undergarments to show that they were ever sexually involved with the underage girl. If there is, they wish to purchase them to keep "some California detective type from doing some kind of C.S.I. investigation on these and send my ass to jail."

Registered pedophiles have also become involved, enquiring from prison if they are allowed to purchase the panties as "we wouldn't violate our court orders to come within 100 feet of teenage girls cuz they're just her panties and she's of age now."

A California court judge asked that the bras and panties be delivered to his chambers, saying that he would take the items in question and deliberate over them over the weekend.

When asked her opinion on the undergarments, an anorexic Lindsay said that "I really don't care, because they don't fit me any more. I had those when I was younger, so now they're way to big on me!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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