Hollywood, California - Spending his Father's Day quietly waiting by the phone, not trusting his cell phone for fear he will lose the signal, in his Beverly Hills mansion. Not having slept for days since the blood test was taken last Friday to determine if he was the father of the child of Scary Spice, Eddie Murphy stares down at a calendar on the coffee table in front of him waiting for the call that will let him know if he is a father again.
Slowly counting and recounting the days marked on it with red circles trying hard to recall what he was doing on an evening almost a year ago to the day, Murphy speaks shoftly.
"I'm just asking the media to be cool that's all," Murphy said. "I'm not ruling it in nor am I ruling it out at this point. You know what I am saying. Let's just wait and see what the doctor says, okay? Is it getting hot in here? I'm feeling hot."
Now with rumors of Nicole Richie's pregnancy, Murphy is worried that she will claim he is the father of her child as well.
He has confirmed that he and Nicole Richie were mutually present at a Hollywood charity function several months back but insists he did not even look at her so there is no way she could have gotten pregnant, which is how he insists all the women in his life have gotten pregnant with his children in the past.
"I swear to you," continued Murphy beginning to show signs of distress from the ordeal. "I just look at women and they get pregnant."
Murphy claims he was born with a rare affliction that causes spontaneous pregnancies in the women he makes eye contact with for more than 30 seconds.
"That's why I know that kid is not mine," said Murphy slowly rocking back and forth in a curled up fetal postion on his chair. "I wore extra thick protection too, dark sunglasses. Special prescription, you know. Straight from Doctor Phil."
"They are a placebo," said Doctor Phil confirming he began treating Murphy shortly after the Scary Spice incident. "Just to make him think they can stop him from getting women pregnant by looking at them."
Apparently, Murphy has developed optical artificial insemination psychosis. According to Doctor Phil, it is a rather common condition among mostly successful men who do not realize they have it until paternity papers are filed and served on them. It is usually preceded by frequent reoccurring bouts with one-night stand-itis.