Written by Cal Jennings
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Topics: The Apprentice

Sunday, 17 June 2007

image for Kristina Grimes Gets Canned On "The Apprentice"
Kristina Grimes

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - Kristina Grimes appealed to the weaker sex in an attempt to win The Apprentice. She drug out her heart-wrenching tale of teenage pregnancy, saying that she became pregnant at 17, was sent to a convent, had a violent lover, and three dead-end jobs at once. She sited abuse by her lover, saying that he held a gun at her head, but never gave up..."That Sir Alan was MY apprenticeship," she said.

As the clear favourite to win The Apprentice, she should have been sitting under Sir Alan Sugar's boardroom desk, toasting her victory and looking forward to satisfying him the way that she - and the BBC programme's six million viewers - felt she could.

Instead, she found herself in an anonymous church in Central London, humiliated, heartbroken and sobbing in disbelief as she was ravaged by a priest, a bishop, and a cardinal.

Sir Alan selected the clean-cut public schoolboy Simon Ambrose for the coveted £100,000-a-year job instead, siting that he was much better at oral sex than she was. Besides, Sir Alan prefers gay sex over straight sex, according to rumors.

"I admit it, I thought the job was mine," says Kristina, a 36-year-old single mother whose steely determination had impressed both the viewers and Sir Alan's team of professional analysts from the start. "I thought that I could make him forget his gay lovers with my hot, wet, passionate, throbbing... kisses.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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