CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Los Angeles - Today, Cal-el flew to Karen Carpenter's grave and raised her from the dead. Cal-el said that he was sick of Rap "music" and the horrible effect it has had on the country. Cal-el felt that it was time to bring back some decent music for the youth to hear, then maybe they wouldn't be so violent.
Cal-el said that he noticed the problem was really bad when kids kept shooting at him during drive-bys. Luckily, bullets bounce off of Cal-el's chest, so he remained unharmed.
Karen Carpenter is set to tour with Richard and the writers at TheSpoof.com. She said that it was tough getting her vocal chords working again, but everything else seemed to work fine. Now the air will be filled with the beautiful sound of Karen's voice wherever you may go. All violence will cease, President Bush will be impeached, and Ron Paul will be voted into office in 2008.
"I don't know why I didn't think of reviving her sooner," said Cal-el. "Jesus said that we could do even greater things than He did now that He has ascended to the Father."