Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Jailed socialite Paris Hilton has finally turned to God and asked for the Reverend Pat Robertson to help redeem her immortal ravaged soul, public image and over-exposed brazilian'd genitalia.
After 72 hours in the psych wing of the Twin Towers prison rehab Hilton sent a message via favorite TV shock-jock Barbara Walters that she was "powerless and ready to turn over her will and her life to God as she understood Him", in the form of a ministering visit from the 700 Club's celebrity preacher.
Walters then called Robertson and told him to stand by for an impending mercy mission to LA, warning that he has his work cut out for him:
"Even for a highly esxperienced man of the cloth such as Reverend Robertson this would be a lifetime career achievement.
"Converting Paris Hilton into a god-fearing, meek and humble woman will take a miracle.
"But we think she might just be ready to play the God card as a decider for the prison governor being able to get her back onto the remission sentence of 23 days as opposed to the 45 that Judge Sauer re-imposed last Friday."
Sources close to the 700 Club have indictaed that Hilton may need physical as well as spiritual nourishment and hinted that the former is definitely heading for salvation in the form of Pat Robertson's Protein-Defying Anti-Ageing Pancakes which the preacher has promoted successfully for the last five years.