CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Los Angeles - Paris Hilton, after kicking, screaming, and whining all the way to jail said that she was extremely humiliated and that people should be paying attention to important things like the War in Iraq and the men and women who are serving there. The reporter wondered if she actually had a brain, or if she just suffered a moment of clarity.
Paris Hilton said that the most humiliating experience about the ordeal was that people found out she's having to drive a "stupid old Mercedes" since her boyfriend wrecked her Bentley.
"Maybe if I had wrecked the Mercedes, daddy would have given me a new Bentley and I wouldn't have been embarrassed by having to drive such an ordinary car," said Ms. Hilton."
A lawyers tried to keep her out of jail on grounds that she was suffering severe mental trauma from the experience.
"It's rough when you have to go from driving a Bentley to an ordinary Mercedes," said one of her Corrupt Bastards Club lawyers. "You just don't understand how huMILiating it is to have to step down in class of automobiles like that. It's a dreadful thing, and she should have to go to jail when she's suffering such severe emotional trauma over the experience."
Sheriff Lee Baca indicated she was just a spoiled psycho rich kid and ought to have her stay in jail extended. He indicated that she arrived at her original jail with a condition he hadn't been apprised of and that it immediately began to deteriorate to the point that he feared for her safety.
"I can kind of understand how hard it must be to have to take such a bit step down in class of cars," said Baca. "I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a badge and had to drive a regular slow car, so it must be at least twice as bad for her. Of course, the thousand dollars that she slipped me has a little to do with my opinion."
Paris is expected to have round-the-clock psychological care for this extreme condition. Her psychiatrists aren't sure that she will ever get over the humiliation of driving a Mercedes.