Lynwood, California - (Ass Mess): Paris Hilton is back behind bars tonight after no amount of pleading, cajoling or stamping her itty pritty little foot at Superior Court Judge Michael T Sauer and the sheer unfairness of it all managed to get her off her custodial sentence.
Manacled, dishevelled and clearly in total shock at not getting her way into a spot of electronically-tagged rehab in the palatial surroudings of her Beverly Hills mansion Hilton is reported to be on 24 hour suicide watch at Lynwood where the prison governor is in no mood for hystrionics.
"This is prison and it ain't meant to be nice!" is all reporters were told today as the LAPD drove the peroxide heiress back to the slammer.
"And any more lip and she'll be sewing mailbags along with the rest of the sluts inside."
Meanwhile Judge Sauer has ordered an immediate enquiry into how much Hilton paid her shrink Dr Charles Sophy to sign her off custodial sentence on a medical technicality.
A second investigation could also lead to the LA Sherrif's Department being charged with contempt of court for 'falling for the oldest blonde exscuse in the whole world':
"I can't possibly stay in this horrid, dirty, rat infested prison any longer because I'm having my period!"