Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 7 June 2007

image for Big Brother Ziggy Becomes Zippy In Emily Racism Fallout
Bristol nutters outside Emily's home this morning

After today's shock announcement that Emily Parr, the racist from Bristol, had been evicted from the Big Brother house for using a word likely to cause a breach of the peace, the lone male housemate Ziggy has been told that he will henceforth be known as Zippy.

The reasoning behind this, say Channel 4 bosses, is that, when Ziggy's housemate plaything Channelle, from Leeds, says 'Ziggy' in her Northern twang, it sounds like 'Zigger'.

'Zigger' figures in a well-known 1980s football song used frequently by Chelsea fans whenever their team played Tottenham:

"Zigger, zigger, zigger, Tottenham's got a nutter!"

This latest change came after Miss Parr, a student of dullness, used the word "nutter" in an argument with Charley, and was thrown out of the house in a blatant case of Shilpashettyism. Charley, who doesn't own a brain, is related to Manchester United footballer Kieran Richardson, and won't stop telling everybody about it.

Shilpa Shetty, speaking from a hovel in Mumbai, said:

"Kids these days!"

In the latest footage, to be screened on C4 tonight, Zippy, as he is now known, is seen laid in bed crying for his mummy. He is heard to mumble the words:

"What's my real name, Mummy?"

Emily Parr is laying low today in her native Bristol where countless other nutters live.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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