Written by Buck E Filbert
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Thursday, 7 June 2007

image for Tom Sizemore Winning, "So You Think You're the Biggest Celebrity Screw Up," Contest
Not mine officer! Never saw it before!

It appears Tom Sizemore is leading the celebrity screw up contest episode that aired on NBC this week. The competition between personalities, actresses and actors or public figures begs the question, are you the worlds biggest celebrity goofball?.

In the first week of competition Alex Baldwin stepped out as the front runner yelling obscenities at his young daughter telling her she was a little pig, As most people knows his ex-wife, Kim Bassinger, taped the berating, releasing it to the press. Ohhhh goood stuff.

Two weeks ago David Hasselhoff was the favorite with his disgusting, drunken, hamburger eating display in front of his 14 year old daughter caught on video by his daughter for prosperity. Great camera work by the youngster made this especially engaging.

Some people argue Phil Spector is in the lead with a murder trial in progress, but Spector's problems stem from a one-time mistake deal, where as Sizemore's problems are repeated violations making him the front-runner in the competition.

Sizemore was arrested and taken into custody yesterday for violating his probation in a Bakersfield incident where Sizemore and a fellow actor got into a dispute with a desk clerk over hotel reservations. Police were called and Sizemore was discovered sitting in a Mustang outside. The vehicle was searched and methamphetamine and various other drugs were discovered. This only added to Sizemore's appeal, stupidity on top of dumbness. Way to abuse privilege Tom.

Sizemore violated his conditions of probation and will serve the 16 months, originally suspended, in favor of 3 years probation. Sizemore could face 7 years incarceration on top of the 16 months if found guilty of the charges.

Sizemore's charges far exceed Paris Hilton's paltry 21 days in jail effort and trump Lindsay Lohan's recent DUI with possible cocaine charges by far. The contest continues, and who, the next celebrity to "step up", is going to be is anyone's guess. With all the media attention gained by all this activity, it's only a matter of time before Britney Spears blows a cog and re-introduces herself to the competition, speculates Simon Cowell, the shows producer.

Simon added, "this is a competition, you have to really take your plush, over indukged life for granted to win here. What we really could use here is a Robert Downey Jr, Fatty Arbuckle or a Marylin Monroe type, someone that really knows how to screw up."


From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
6/6/07

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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