Written by gopherash
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Topics: Princess Diana

Monday, 4 June 2007

image for Former Royal Butler Burrell to release more Memorabilia
Diana Princess of Wales in Mannequin form

Former Butler to Princess Diana Paul Burrell has announced the latest additions to his growing range of Diana themed merchandise.

The former aide, who since Diana's death has capitalised prolifically on many aspects of her life is now turning to more obscure angles from which to sell her memory.

Of the items the least shocking is a collection of Diana & Burrell themed candy rock. Similar to that found at Blackpool and other seaside resorts the rock will have the words Diana & Burrell imprinted down the centre, apparently owing to the fact he was consistently referred to as Diana's "rock".

This theme is continued with "The Paul Burrell Mountaineering Equipment Range", "Paul Burrell Rock Tumblers" and a line of jewellery that is accompanied by the awful slogan;

"I was Diana's rock, now I can be your wife's too".

Each diamond has been altered using microscopic techniques to bear the image of the former royal butler within each atom of the diamond itself.

Public response to Burrell's profiteering has been lukewarm at best, but now his line of Diana themed car radios seems to have pushed him across the line.

The radio fronts are a replica of the one found in the tangled wreckage of that fateful night in Paris, complete with an imprint of Diana's face and some blood and bone marks. As the user switches from station to station Burrell can be heard introducing you by saying "Princess Diana, always on the radio wherever you go".

Whilst ordinary members of the public have been slow to take up Burrell's latest pieces of tat, it is understood HRH Queen Elizabeth II has put in advanced orders of 10,000 for each items as she prepares for her annual "Burning of the Bitch" ceremony in the gardens at Highgrove.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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