Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Monday, 4 June 2007

image for U2's Larry Mullen Jr, Noel Gallagher and the Corrs to represent Ireland in Eurovision 2008
Willie Nelson has signed for Eurovision 2008 with Larry Mullen Jr.

Ireland has won the Eurovision song contest a record 7 times but were both humbled and humiliated this time around when the Irish entry 'They cant stop the spring' came last, amassing a grand total of five points thanks to Albania, a nation now viewed in Ireland as tone deaf and eyeing up Ireland's social welfare system by way of flattery.

Irish Eurovision bosses have wasted no time whatsoever in their search for an act that can bring Europe's crappiest crown back to the Emerald Isle for a record 8th time.

Eurovision Ireland director Siorcha Dufukal said today,

"We have Larry Mullen Jr and the Corrs, Adam Clayton and the edge have both vowed to help with the score, along with Van Morrison, Willie Nelson, Noel Gallagher, David Bowie, Pavarotti and Shane McGowan they have all pledged to bring the Eurovision home to Ireland.

Larry was quoted yesterday as he watched the Corrs sisters pole dancing practise session in a private room,

"Yeah It's true, I'm doin the Eurovision but only under a strict set of conditions.

Number 1 being that Bono is kept at least 5 miles from the Venue.

And number 2 is that the English entry, you know de birds dressed up as trolley dollies do a private performance before and after the gig and teach de Corrs all their moves"

When asked if he thought Ireland could win Eurovision 2008 Larry replied, "Who gives a shit! Did ya see dose English birds in da uniforms? Dey'll get moi douze point next feckin year."

Westlife and a possibly reformed Boyzone have also been added to the undesirables on the 5 mile exclusion list.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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