Written by Salsero Blanco
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Sunday, 3 June 2007

image for Screenwriters Publish Annual List of Morally Safe Stereotypes
Hollywood will remind us again that studying math is not good with the ladies

The Anonymous Screenwriters Organisation has released its official list of Politically Correct Stereotypes for the 2008 season. President Sam S. Samson said that it is a difficult, but necessary process.

"It's not an easy thing to do, but stereotypes are very important for all of us who write films, sitcoms and commercials." said Samson. "We need to know whom we can portray in a negative light without worrying about any sort of advocacy group coming back and dragging our names through the mud."

Topping the list for the third straight year are fat people. So, once again in 2008, fat people will always be using the wrong cleaning products in commercials, continuing their pathetic roles in sitcoms, and being cast primarily as minions for villains in action films, playing second fiddle to their skinny, better-looking cast-mates.

"Fat people are really our bread-and-butter, particularly fat white men. If you want people to know who is going to be your patsy, just make him fat, white and male, and you're basically good to go." said Samson. "From Norm on 'Cheers' to Newman on 'Seinfeld' to the portly neighbor who hasn't seen the light after buying a Mantis Chipper/Shredder, everyone knows that fat people are doomed to a life of despair."

Arthur T. Fatman, president of the Very Obese Persons Association, said his group has no intention of disputing their selection.

"It's no surprise." said Fatman. "Hollywood has been saying that we, the overweight, are morons for a while now, so it must be true."

The rest of the list is shown here:

2. White Christians (are always hypocritical, racists loonies.)
3. Residents of Mississippi, Alabama, etc. (are cordial, but naive morons.)
4. Members of social fraternities (are always spoiled, drunken misogynists.)
5. High school students who excel at math and science (are never sexually appealing or socially competent.)

A Hate Crimes Task Force checked over the list and gave it their stamps of approval.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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