Written by Warren Redlich
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan, FBI, DUI

Friday, 1 June 2007

image for Lindsay Lohan: Innocent
Not Lindsay Lohan taking a toke

Beverly Hills police confirmed today that Lindsay Lohan is innocent in the DWI and drug case that hit the news a few days ago. Chief David "Davy" Snowden confirmed that the woman seen in videos was actually an FBI agent posing as Lohan. The actress was actually at home sipping tea and doing yoga.

Michael Lohan, the estranged father of Lindsay Lohan, said the FBI story is a lie. "My daughter really is a drunken whore, just like her mother! These bastards can't hide that or no one will care who I am ... um ... I mean my daughter won't be able to recover from drug problems."

FBI Director Robert S. Mueller confirmed that the FBI had an agent in the field. "We're working on uncovering organized crime activity among the paparazzi, and other celebrity hangers-on. This has been important to the President ever since they messed with his daughters and interfered with their fun. He's also pissed off about those stories alleging his past cocaine use, which has never been proven even though it's probably true."

No arrests have been made yet in the FBI paparazzi sting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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