Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 31 May 2007

image for New Celebrity Impersonator Reality Series Has Strange Beginning
The reason this contestant did not win the pantyless impression were obvious!

The newest ABC Reality Show is off to a strange start in the premiere episode. "The Next Best Thing: Who Is The Greatest Celebrity Impersonator" made its debut Wednesday evening.

Instead of a group of Rich Little wannabees who did their impersonations of Richard Nixon, John Wayne, and Jerry Seinfeld, viewers were treated to something completely different.

Mildred Huffman of Piedmont, Kansas did her impersonation of Britney Spears getting out of the backseat of a car without any panties. Hers was judged superior to that of Jack Dawson of Dawson, Alaska (as he was the wrong gender and could not really pull it off) and Pamela Flack of Bernard, Maine (who forgot to shave herself).

Harry Carns of Topeka Kansas won for doing the best Mel Gibson impersonation. He looked sufficiently drunk and remembered to insult the Jews. The other contestants lost as one came stoned, and another only insulted blacks, Mormons, and Nappy Headed Hos (he obviously forgot to do his research).

Madge Gleason of Vernal, Utah won for the best Rosie O'Donnell impersonation. She was about 200 pounds overweight, spit at a soldier, made disparaging remarks about everyone, and colored mustaches on the pictures in the studio hallway.

Other winners for the night included:

Former Olympic trampoline jumper Alfred Lang for his impression of Tom Cruise jumping on a couch while twisting the head off of a Brooke Shields doll.

Isaac Jackson of Tuppence, Mississippi for his Jesse Jackson speech of three minutes where all words started with the letter "A" (awsome alliteration!)

An honorable mention went to the podium on the stage, which sat there for the full hour and did not say anything intelligent. It received the George W. Bush Award.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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