Written by Moose&Squirell
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Tuesday, 29 May 2007

image for Britney Spears: I Was Like a Nymphomaniac With NO Rubbers
Britney Spears has cut the ties that bind her

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA (HARD ON-LINE)-- Toxic shock tween twat extrordinaire, Britney Spears, came out swinging on here website, berating the tabloids & cursing out her business manager and close family for trying to keep control of Britney Spears' life.

"Too many people trying to keep their fingers in the cream pie & looking out for themselves," Spears announced, "seeing what they can mooch for themselves." She went on to say that, "Only I have the right to keep my own fingers in my cream pie, not only because it feels good, but, because they're my fingers!"

The revelation shocked many of her fan base who are waste-oids & losers who hang around hoping to snatch personal secret stories they can later sell to tabloids & photos of the vicious vixen's vortex of vamp. Britney described her behavior over the last couple of months, saying: "I was like a Nymphomaniac With NO Rubbers. Tossing caution to the wind and acting without any morals, or underwear!"

Spears confessed: "That's all going to change. From now on fresh new panties will be worn daily. No more entourage...go get a free lunch somewhere else! Try The Mission in downtown Los Angeles.

"I'm giving up the fancy cars and mansion. I'm donating 99% of all my wealth to charity, medical and educational causes. I'm headed for the simple things in life. No more show business! Just living & breathing the fresh air like everybody else!

"Beginning tomorrow I will start by...*

(* Sorry to interrupt our article.

Let the facts show without all the glam & wham & bam, Spears no longer qualifies as a bona fide "celebrity". Therefore, our article is not worth the ink it's written with.

She is now wedged somewhere between welfare mom and a skank.-- Ed.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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