Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Sunday, 27 May 2007

image for Rosie O'Donnell Split The View Over Split-Screen? Reason why her aide drew mustache on Elisabeth's photo?
Rosie's aide highlighting Elisabeth's cookie duster?

Hollywood, California - According to TheSpoof.com's reliable sources, Rosie left the View not so much over the spat she had with Elisabeth (allegedly Rosie is quite found of her), but over a producer's decision to maximize the show's ratings by going to a split-screen shot of the Rosie and Elisabeth face off without Rosie's permission or knowledge.

"Rosie's a big girl and her feelings are not easily hurt," said Rosie's agent. "So she was not surprised to find out that her excited outspokenness was exploited to boost ratings for The View with a cheep shot split-screen. But she was not prepared for it. They should have gotten her ready."

Rosie was running late that morning and make-up did not have a chance to wax her upper lip before she went on air.

Later when Rosie saw the footage of the split-screen she screamed, said an associate producer on the show.

That's when she ran off stage with her assistant with a black Sharpie in hand in the direction of Elisabeth dressing room.

"If Rosie's mustache gets spotlighted on TV, why not hers [Elisabeth's]? So I took out a black Sharpie and went to work," said a person who refused to be identified. "After it's not like she doesn't have one, she does. You just can't see so clearly because she's a blonde. So I highlighted with this [holding up a black marker].

"It was actually quite tastefully done. I should know I've cleaned up quite a few," said The View's custodian, Juan Gomez. "You could tell they came from an artistic background. See [pulling out the discarded disfigured photo from the waste basket]. Notice how thin the facial hair is drawn and then curls up like the classical handlebar style of mustache, even making a complete circle. Like that villain in Dudley Do-Right, what's his name? You know the guy that's always tying Do-Right's girlfriend to the train tracks."

When asked if the split-screen issue was the real reason Rosie quit The View and not Wednesday's confrontation between Rosie and Elisabeth, producers refused to comment.

Elisabeth's is reportedly happy to be hear that it was not the heated political banter on Wednesday's show that lead to Rosie's decision to quit; or the daily mega wedgies, wet willies or towel whippings (something she picked from Survivor) she had been giving Rosie since she started the show.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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