Written by Cal Jennings
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Sunday, 27 May 2007

image for Elisabeth Hasselbeck Apologizes to Rosie O'Donnell
Elisabeth Hasselbeck Incognito

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The View - Elisabeth Hasselbeck apologized to Rosie O'Donnell for being such a poor friend and a self-serving jerk on The View today. She told Rosie that she was sorry she lost her job over such a silly little thing.

On Wednesday, O'Donnell accused Hasselbeck of not defending her when media outlets, including, O'Donnell said, FOX News, claimed she'd called U.S. troops terrorists.

"Rosie and I have been gay lovers for the longest time, and I hate to see anything come between our mad, passionate, amorous, lustful, gay sex. It was just a spat. I was on my period, and, well, you know. I really don't know what Rosie was so mad about. Blonds like me are suPPOSED to be ignorant airheads who think only of themselves. Does she really expect me to know what's going on in that boring politic stuff? I'm MUCH more concerned with the style of my hair and who's sleeping with whom in Hollywood. Geez! I still want to be romantically involved with Rosie. I just can't support her views that our president is anything less than perfect. Look at the tax cuts I got! I probably saved $500,000.00 a year on my salary. I think our government is GREAT!"

Rosie claimed that she is portrayed in the press as a bully. "Every time I defend [my opinions] it's poor little Elisabeth that I'm picking on," said O'Donnell. I wouldn't screw that bitch with someone ELSE's fake penis! An idiot could tell that the building collapse didn't occur from the planes or the fire. It was obviously a set-up by our government," exclaimed Rosie. "If she can't see that, she needs glasses or an eye patch. What she saved on taxes would pay the average person 16 years of salary! I'm glad to be leaving The View where all these greedy, self-centered fluffs hang out. Apology NOT accepted!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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