Written by Moose&Squirell
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Sunday, 27 May 2007

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Hollywood Police find one plastered & one needing plaster

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA (API) -- Actress Lindsay Lohan, 20, was arrested Saturday after she lost control of her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible she was driving and struck a curb. After receiving a 911 phone call about the accident, police moved in and arrested Lohan along with two other passengers and found a good amount of cocaine in the back seat of the car.

At a news conference, Sgt Mike Foxey gave details of the arrest, "After the 911 call into headquarters, we came upon the accident scene. Lindsay was wearing a skin-tight dress which left nothing up to the imagination. In the backseat we found a packet of cocaine with the dealers name on it, Mickey "D". We also discovered a small amount of alcohol in her blood stream, she claims was Night Quill"

Police called in the Department of Public Works branch of the Los Angeles/Rampart Division to extricate the curb on which the both tires of the car had run over. The curb was rushed into the emergency room at the Greater Los Angeles Mason's and Concrete Workers Hospital in critical condition. Cement & concrete surgeons worked 12 hours straight curing & tamping the severely injured block with a grout & sealant. "We got lucky this time...", Admitted the setting surgeons, "...and looking at the Petrography, didn't have a need for clay or limestone."

Lohan says she, "Didn't want her chloride-bleached side-kick to spend the next three weeks in the slammer all by her little lonesome!". Foxey says, "The case will be presented to the District Attorney's Office where the actress could face more charges, including impersonating a bleach-blond bimbo with dark roots and wearing panties.

Hollywood police are tough!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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