Written by Cal Jennings
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Sunday, 27 May 2007

image for Lohan Arrested on Suspicion of Being Suspicious
A Suspicious Looking Lindsay Lohan

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Beverly Hills - Lindsay Lohan was arrested on suspicion of being suspicious after her convertible struck a curb, and investigators found what they believe is cocaine at the scene, police said.

Police promptly snorted all the cocaine, as all good Bushites do, and arrested Ms. Lohan on the President's new anti-terrorism policy of looking suspicious, since there was nothing left of the cocaine to prove any drug possession charges.

Lohan, 20, and two other people were in her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 when it crashed on Sunset Boulevard around 5:30 a.m., Sgt. Mike Foxen said. "It appeared Lohan was speeding," Lt. Mitch McCann said at an afternoon news conference, "and that was enough to make her look suspicous of being suspicious to us!"

Officers received a 911 call about the accident and arrested Lohan at the hospital for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the nine-eleven policy, McCann said. Officers didn't realize until after the arrest that the 911 the dispatcher was talking about was the emergency response number, and not the 9/11 that America's Supreme Commander Guy was referring to in the nine-eleven policy.

The officers dropped the charges after admitting Ms. Lohan into the hospital.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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