Written by gopherash
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Topics: Bono, goat, U2

Friday, 25 May 2007

image for Bono Collects Medal, Punches Goat
Ian Goat, as purchased for the town by Jeremy Irons

U2 frontman Bono caused a media furore by repeatedly punching a remote African town's only goat during a live broadcast at the Liberty Medal awards announcement.

The legendary singer admitted he couldn't fly to be at the actual event due to logistical reasons. His tour manager elaborated;

"Bonnie insists on carrying every humanitarian award he's ever been given around with him to this kind of thing just to piss off Geldof so really there was no possible way we could attend."

The medal was awarded to Bono and the charity DATA. Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa, which DATA stands for was named after the four most popular keywords used on google searches to find pictures of Bono.

Bono added on hearing of the announcement "I don't suppose there are enough Liberty Medals to go around, but in truth, those people should all be wearing one, too"

An angry patron of the charity retorted "Yes we fucking should, we've spread just as much awareness as he has, now so many people are aware of the suffering going on, we've made a hell of a lot of people feel guilty, and really isn't that what its all about?"

Bono was filming a short piece about Rwandan egg farmers and therefore decided it was a good idea to set up a live video feed to the event so he could taunt his fellow patrons. This backfired however as Bono, unaware he was being filmed started repeatedly thumping the town's only goat. The animal had been placed in the background next to a small african boy eating straw for "impact". Bono was unhappy about the goat's look as he felt it looked "too well fed", so in true Irish style he set about the creature with fists, broken bottles and a rake.

A spokesman for the animal charity WIF-TWAT commented: "There's no way I or any of our employees will be buying U2 cd's or ipods after that"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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