In a stunt geared towards gaining publicity for the 2010 football World Cup, which may be staged in England, Sir Elton John, the well-known homo, will play a concert at the stadium where the Final would be held, Carlisle United's Brunton Park.
The gig, on June 3rd, will see the largest ever gathering of confused gender benders north of Watford, where Sir Homo was once chairman.
More than 50,000 people are expected to attend, many there solely to launch eggs at the singer, affectionately known to his fans as Captain Kackpipe, whilst others are said to be planning a 'gaybashing extravaganza'.
Homo, real name Ged Wright, is taking 200 suits along to the 12-hour concert, as well as hundreds of bouquets of flowers to thank the 'unwashed northern people' for their support over the years.
Pensioner Albert Dirty was unimpressed as he asked:
"Is that the baldheaded southern faggot?"
Another local resident, Maisie Clodhopper, 79, looked bemused when told of the star's impending arrival:
"Elton who?" she gaped.