Written by Princess Poole
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Topics: Candy, Damien Hirst

Friday, 8 June 2007

image for Art Not Gross, But Not Real Candy Either
At least it's tasteful (figuratively)

The oddball Brit artist known for his masterful pickled animals and brilliant diamond skull has revealed his newest work. "Licorice Candy," a collection of children's blocks painted with stripes, will be auctioned next week. Damien Hirst expects to receive at least $10,000,000. The art world was stunned by the work's lack of grotesqueness and weirdness. "I hate licorice," explains Hirst.

The artist hopes to raise enough money to fund his next project that will consist of several Cadillacs partially buried. When told this had already been done, Hirst responded that his version will include the occupants of the vehicles and will be covered by pink plastic lawn flamingos. "I want to make a statement about suburban consumerism and the defilement of the natural earth. If Marco Evaristti can paint the top of a mountain pink, I can paint dead people and their cars pink!"

In other art news, Milo Fillmore of Nebraska painted a likeness of Mt. Hood so detailed it could not be distinguished from a photo by the naked eye. Friends and family were so moved by the work they cried. "The colors, the way he captured the emotions brought forth by the scene were astounding," says a friend. He got $2 for it in a garage sale.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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