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Wednesday, 28 January 2004

image for Hutton in Sordid sex scandal
Lord Hutton; not your average Nympho

As is usually the case with these stories, the lover is a young nubile blonde, who works part time as a lap dancer to finance her university education. She claims to have met Lord Hutton at a private party at the club she works in.

The girl, Sheryl, claims "We met at a party being thrown for Stephen Byers, they were all there, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Alistair Campbell, Mandleson, and the blind guy, what's his name? yeah that's it, David Blanket, he was really enjoying himself. He kept walking around, approaching the girls and saying ‘Can I feel your face, its how blind people see? He was obviously tired 'cos his hand kept slipping and brushing their chests like. The girls didn't mind though, he's quite cute really. Yeah, anyway, I took Hutty out for a private dance like and he gave me his number, asked what time I finished and rejoined the others. When we'd closed I was just about to get a cab, when this really nice looking car pulls up. I couldn't believe it was him. There was some other guy there too, I think he said his name was Geoff. Anyway the three of us went back to Hutty's place."

Sheryl claims the three of them were "at it" all night, "Hutty was amazing he just kept going and going, we joked about him being powered by Duracell.". The filthy orgy was only interrupted by conversation between the two men about Dr Kelly, and his death. Sheryl says "its seemed to bother both of them quite a lot, so I took each of them in me mouth while they talked. It certainly helped them relax, by the next morning we been at it for 8 hours straight, Geoff said if it wasn't for the coke he'd have been knackered by half 2."

Sheryl also claims that the two men made her promise not to tell anyone about the night "I had my fingers crossed of course, I wasn't going to miss out on a couple of hundred grand was I? Anyways I think they were more worried about me repeating their conversation they said I mustn't repeat any of it, but I was so high I can't remember much of it. Just that they were discussing what some report should say."

Sheryl, studying English literature at Oxford, has now been able to give up her part time job after one tabloid paid her £250,000 for the exclusive of her story, she giggles and tells us "I had my fingers crossed then too, I've sold the story to three different papers, i dont even need to go to Uni now. They're such a stupid bunch aren't they?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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