Donald Trump is happy to slip into his new roll as a Grandpa. This weekend, his son and daughter in law presented him with his first grandchild in New York City.
The obviously pleased and proud Grandpappy was only upset about one thing: "The baby girl is kid of short and fat and round. At this point, she looks like Rosie O'Donnell. If she doesn't hurry up and lose weight and grow out of that babyfat, I might have to fire her and get a new one."
"When she does start to get some hair, I know the perfect stylist to send her to."
When asked if he had any goals in life for his new grandbaby, Trump admitted that he did: "Don't be a dyke like Rosie or I'll cut you off and you won't inherit a nickel. This baby is going to be bottle fed because I don't want her sucking on any titties and getting any boob fantasy because of it."