A Midwestern family has sued their local school and school district over their child being exposed to the film "Brokeback Mountain" in school. The girl, a sixth grader, and her class were shown the film behind closed doors by a substitute teacher.
The teacher, requesting anonymity, issued the following statement: "Hey, I didn't try to flirt with any of the girls. I didn't check out their little racks or pop their bra straps or anything. The girls were all safe from me. I just wanted to educate them about the ways of real manly men."
"I also wanted to show the boys how they could fulfill themselves. I wanted to give them the education that they so fully needed. I have made myself available for private counseling sessions to open up about their sexual feelings."
Michael Jackson then left the interview, being assured that we would not use his name in this story.