seLindsay Lohan, tired of the verbal abuse she received from co-star Jane Fonda during the filming of Georgia Rule, has agreed to play the actress in an unauthorized film biography. The movie, "Hanoi Jane in Vietnam", will follow the daughter of Henry Fonda through her tour of Vietnam during the American involvement in that war.
"My favorite scene," says Lohan, "is where I turn in the American soldier who secretly slipped me a not saying how bad he and his fellow prisoners are being treated. The V.C. beat him to death while my character gets to stand proudly by and watch him get what she thinks he deserved for being an unwelcome guest. Playing that self serving, sanctimonious, treasonous bitch is the highlight of my acting career."
"She was just as bad during the filming. It was always be on time today because I have more Oscars and I'm the one who gets to make the grand entrance or she'd yell in front of everyone don't be like Britney and wear some panties today. She was always ripping on the guys in Iraq if there was a newspaper around. I just got tired of it."
"Maybe Hanoi Jane forgot, but she first got famous for taking it all of in Barbarella. The only way she could do a nude scene like that today would be in zero-G, because otherwise they'd be sagging to her knees."
When told of her involvement with the film and her accurate portrayal of the traitor, Veteran's groups all across the country immediately bought out auditoriums and petitioned all legal authorities to wipe clean the criminal record of Lohan.