Written by Fergus McCarthy
Print this

Thursday, 10 May 2007

image for Paris Hilton avoids jail in last minute deal. Governor Schwarzenegger resigns in protest.
Ex Governor Schwarzenegger.

After a frantic couple of days of appeals and over 300 lawyers burning the midnight oil poring over Californian penal legislation searching literally for a get out of jail free card Paris Hilton has been handed the needle from the proverbial haystack that guarantees her freedom,

In a truly shocking abuse of both power and position Paris Hilton's Billionaire father has leased the state of California from the U.S government for $100 Billion dollars.

A leaked dossier has been sent anonymously to The Spoof's head office outlining the terms of the record controversial deal.

Some of the terms include:

  1. The lease shall be deemed to be terminated in 100 years time.
  2. All members of the Hilton family and any person or persons that they like shall be deemed exempt from any prosecution ever.
  3. Outgoing President George W Bush has free lifetime membership to Disneyland and has the legal right to jump the queue on any ride that has a big long wait.
  4. Single males between the ages of eighteen to thirty will be conscripted into the Armed Forces to fight the war on terror (unless Paris or her sister think they are cute.)
  5. All Mexican males between the ages of five to fifty five will be conscripted into the armed forces to fight the war on terror unless the Hilton's need a gardener or a yard boy.
  6. All black people are to be moved to the state of Atlanta because they make Paris nervous and one of them called her a nasty name once. (Unless they are good rappers and Paris or her sister think they are cute)

The document, numbering 234 pages includes "jailing that nasty judge for life because he was mean to Paris", on the spot fines for "fat people for being fat, ugly people" and people who wear "yucky shoes" also face hefty fines under the new legislation to be rushed through Congress next Tuesday afternoon.

California's legal fraternity vowed to fight the new laws as unconstitutional until they were informed that any lawyers opposing the new bill would be conscripted and sent to Iraq, Afghanistan or Texas.

Governor Schwarzenegger resigned immediately upon being told that he was constitutionally bound to refer to Ms Hilton as 'Princess Pretty Poppet' and has to hold her rat of a dog whenever he makes a public speech.

He will be replaced with immediate effect by well known Hollywood Vagina promoter Buck E. Filbert.

When quizzed Ms Hilton replied "I love my daddywaddy"

Make Fergus McCarthy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 plus 2?

1 7 9 8
53 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more