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Sunday, 25 January 2004

image for Letterman and Oprah Married
Letterman: "I've never been this happy. Don't I look happy?"

In a joint press release today, talk show hosts David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey announced they wed in a secret ceremony over five years ago.

"We have come to a point in our marriage where we just can't keep this secret any longer," said Winfrey.

Apparently Winfrey felt she owed the truth to her fiancé of twelve years, Stedman Graham, after he demanded that she finally commit to a date for their own wedding. "I cannot in good faith marry Stedman while I am married to Dave."

Graham's publicist stated "Mr. Graham is surprised and hurt by this revelation. He hopes Mr. Letterman will join him and Oprah at their palatial home so they can ‘talk things over'."

Winfrey admits that her good friend and personal marriage counselor Dr. Phil McGraw had a lot to do with the announcement. "Dr. Phil could see that the burden of this huge secret has been difficult on the marriage."

According to Letterman, the birth of his son Harry in November of 2003 with longtime girlfriend Regina Lasko is a sore point and the real reason for their counseling sessions. "Oprah can really hold a grudge."

Many people are not surprised by this announcement, as Letterman and Winfrey have been bantering back and forth on their shows. "I thought it would help if people thought we hated each other," said Letterman.

Letterman's on-air sidekick Paul Schaffer commented, "No one bought the ‘I hate Oprah' act. We are not stupid."

Letterman and Winfrey say they are ready to fight for their marriage, which "couldn't be a more ideal union" although they will continue to maintain separate residences and outside relationships. According to Winfrey, "For the sake of little Harry, Dave needs to keep up the façade of a real relationship with his mother. This may include having more children."

Letterman and Winfrey also announced plans to launch a CBS morning show next fall, working title Real Love with Dave and Oprah. Says Winfrey, "Dr. Phil thinks it will be good for us to see each other on a daily basis." Dr. Phil will be the executive producer of the new show, and he's taking over production of both The Late Show with David Letterman and The Oprah Winfrey Show "to allow us to concentrate more fully on our marriage."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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