Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 5 May 2007

image for Paris Hilton Late For Court Date for Probation Violations
Paris is not looking forward to prison attire

Paris Hilton arrived late for a Los Angeles court date today, but claimed that keeping the judge and attorney's waiting was not her fault. "Have you seen the new shoes at Gucci? I mean, they expect me to be in some courtroom when they are introducing the new summer line?"

Hilton was to be tried for multiple violations of probabion stemming from a DWI arrest. She has failed to register for a mandatory class and has been stopped and ticked on at least two occasions for driving on a suspended license.

"Who do they expect to drive me around? Tinkerbell?"

Hilton was also upset at the conditions of the courtroom. "There was no carpet, no curtains, and the seats had no padding. Everything was just dark wood. I gave the judge a business card I had from Ikea, but I don't think he appreciated that. I think he was mad when I told him that black robes were so last year."

Prosecutors were seeking 90 days in jail for the violations. Paris was not in favor of that verdict. "They want me to spend three months in this little room smaller than my dog's closet. THey expect me to wear an orange jumpsuit with no accessorizing. They have these stupid hours and curfews and lights out policies that are so elementary school. I don't mind the body cavity search, but the rest of it is so criminal!"

The judge in the case handed down the following verdict: Paris Hilton is barred from ever appearing in any Los Angeles courtroom where he might ever sit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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