Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 25 April 2007

image for Thousands of animal rights activists to benefit as Mills booted off show
Tamil Tigers the top beneficiaries of Heather's largesse

Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Thousands of animal rights activists will benefit from the whopping big performance fee paid to peroxide monoped Dancing with the Star Whores contestant Heather Mills who was booted off the show last night after six gruelling weeks of inflicting her unique personality on hapless American viewers.

Mills' valedictory speech promised that the fortune she had raised meant that "hundreds of thousands of animal rights activists' lives will be saved", including those pesky Tamil Tigers who were in the UK headlines last week for infiltrating the petrol tanks of millions of British motorists whom they ripped off at the rate of approximately £50 per mile per gallon.

Mills is now determined to find a new venture to showcase her extraordinary lack of talent, charisma, probity, honesty and general public appeal.

"I might start doing some fun raising for the UK National Party," she told reporters at Heathrow airport today.

"It depends on whether I get my very own TV chat show or not. I know people are still dying to see me on the telly."

Paul McCartney is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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