Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Friday, 20 April 2007

image for V.P. Dick Cheney accepts role in Star Trek XI
This is my excited face. See?

Hot on the heels of the rumor of Matt Damon in the role of a young Captain James T. Kirk, Star Trek XI producer J.J. Abrahms has confirmed that American Vice-President Dick Cheney has accepted a role in the forthcoming blockbuster motion picture.

"I'm delighted to have the Vice President aboard this project. In fact, I didn't have much choice since he barged onto Paramount Studios, waving around his hunting rifle, taking out a couple extras from a sitcom that was filming on the lot. At that point I realized that we needed him for this movie."

Asked what role Cheney was going to take, Abrahms wouldn't reveal much other than, "He'll play a nearly-indestructible alien creature that the crew attacks again and again until the explosive climax. We'll be using real explosives by then. And no stunt doubles. Absolutely no stunt doubles. He'll have a big target painted on his, uh, battle armor. Then Captain Kirk will line him up and, well, I can't say much after that. The cleaning staff will also be paid overtime to pick up the pieces. Pieces of Cheney's battle armor, I mean."

Asked to comment, the Vice President shot the first reporter, believing him to be an assassin. Once he was calmed down and told that he was, in fact, at a press conference, I was able to ask Cheney the same question, but wasn't cut off in mid sentence.

"I'm excited about this movie. See? This is my excited face. I know it looks just like my angry face, and my condescending face, but I'm taking acting lessons. And Abrahms said I could wear one of Shatner's rugs. But no makeup! Absolutely no damn makeup! Makeup is for sissys and Democrats! And I'm gonna get to shoot one of those fancy phaser rifles. Hey, are you looking at me funny? Where's my shotgun?"

Star Trek XI arrives in theatres in 2008. No word whether Cheney will get star billing or be listed half way through the credits as 'Klingon Number 4'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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