Catholics are always boasting about miracles and resurrections but none expected the ermine stole of Benedict xvi to begin squirming around the solemn pontiffuerer's neck at Quadriggesima Sunday mass! A week later while Papa Ratzy hugged and blessed babies in the streets of Rome his Mink-trimmed alb began to squawk like a dying rodent.
Animal rights activists have been praying for such a development as they have been protesting the Holy Father's flagrant displays of dead animals on papal regalia. peta President, I. Haitt Humanitas, declared his gratitude to the God he has never believed in: "I'm becoming a Catholic! If their God loves animals enough to have them rise from the dead on the Pope's clothes, baptise me now!"
Pontiffuerer Benny blames the devil for these supernatural displays: "The same Satan that has brought you the sins of women's ordination, gay marriage and liberation theology is now trying to embarrass me with this attack on an anthropocentric worldview!"