Written by Wildjesusfishkid
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Topics: Food, Jamie Oliver

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

image for Jamie Oliver Reward for Theft
Jaime's pie's on stand-by

Jamie Oliver, who has been dubbed the most annoying TV chef in history, has offered a reward to anybody who can give information regarding a theft from the pub where the twat grew up.

Theives broke in and stole Oliver's lisp while his father was in the kitchen knocking up a couple of cheese and pickle ploughman's for a couple of food critics who had happened to be playing darts in the saloon bar.

A spokesman said that Jamie was speechless at the moment. The lisp has been handed down from generation to generation and has obviously been a major factor in making him extremely irritating. Mind you, I don't get covered in saliva when he says "Happy days mate" to me anymore.

Jamie said that he will hand over a cash reward for the grass who dobs the thief in and added that he will also do him a real pucker pie and mash round at his gaff if he's up for it.

Police suspect that the lisp may have been kidnapped or just got fed up with him like the rest of us as they haven't yet received a ransom note. The lisp is on record saying that it would like a career of its own and recently did a book signing without Jamie fueling speculation of a rift between the chef and his speech impediment but we think this is just so much bullshit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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