Are they they the new Morecambe and Wise? No? Well who the fack do they think they are then? It's Ant and Dec. The two ugly Geordies have just signed an historic new deal worth millions in order to keep them off BBC TV.
"We have enough trouble trying to get people like Jonathan Ross off the telly without adding to the problem with the likes of Ant and Dec. I wish he was an ant. I'd squash the Bastard" said a former colleague who wishes to be known as Dave for the purposes of this interview but whose real name is Cat.
The deal promises quite a lot of money if they do not submit any stupid ideas for crappy game shows for at least the next ten years. If they do, they could lose their house, cars and genitalia in a cleverly written penalty clause.
We have quite a collection of male genitalia we have collected over the years from annoying TV personalities due to infringements. In the 80s, Terry Wogan lost everything. Timmy Mallet has allegedly has so much removed that he now parades the streets of Bangkok in an effort to drum
up some business. A man has to eat I suppose.