In a stunning turn of events, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have apologized to Duke University. In a written statement slipped under the door late night, it read:
As community leaders and role models, we feel that now would be a good time to make our amends with those we have inadvertently belittled. It is our sincerest wish that the players accused or rape and race hate accept our heartfelt sympathy.
We are truly sorry that the crackers and whiteys of the world don't see through your KKK fed lies and fire everyone attached to you.
You white faced devils are the scourge of the world, making life difficult for hard working black strippers. How dare you show the world your innocence and dare to question our wonderamical splendtacular truthisims!
We can get Don Imus fired, but can't get some kids kicked out of school? Thats just cracker tricknowlogy!
We are sorry for accusing you because we got proven wrong. Next time we will use the "Mark Fuhrman Handbook" and manufacture some evidence.
Calls to the NAACP were not returned, and in fact, no calls were being accepted from "white devil muthaf***kas" and their "cracker goons", as there was not enough time in the day to both insult white people and defend loco strippers, and also be able to freely bash don Imus for calling some Nappy headed Hoes, well.... Nappy headed Hoes.
Basketball sucks anyway.