Written by Doug Powers
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Topics: Dennis Kucinich

Thursday, 15 January 2004

image for Dennis Miller migrates again--this time to the far left wing
Miller: "Marxism has left me more fulfilled than Michael Moore after being locked overnight in a Krispy Kreme."

Comedian Dennis Miller, who, shortly after 9/11, made it publicly known that he had taken a big swing to the political right, has swung back to the left-- the far left.

"I've been studying Marxist/Leninist philosophy, and I've got to say, it's got me more excited than David Gest at a cast party for 'Rent'. I couldn't be more gregarious and perked up if I were Winona Ryder interviewing for a management position at 'Saks'" said Miller.

Mr. Miller continued into the reasons why he's switching political allegiance.

"Marx's 'Das Kapital' is a tough read--it's harder than Michael Jackson in a sauna full of Cub Scouts, babe--but once I got a grip on it, my brain was doing more giddy undulation than the directors cut of the orgy scene in 'Eyes Wide Shut'."

When asked why he's declaring himself a Marxist at this juncture in his career, Miller was candid. "Marx hung with this cat named Friedrich Engels, who was sort of Karl's version of Kato, but only a better actor. Engels said that, 'an ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.'"

"Well, it's time for action, babe. I want an uprising of the lower classes, and I want the upper classes to know what it's like to struggle more than Louis Anderson putting on a wetsuit."

"I won't stop until the ruling classes are as freaked out as a DJ watching Oedipus and his old lady grind at the mother/son dance, okay?"

For now, Miller doesn't see himself changing political direction for a while. "I'm going to ride this thing like it's Pamela Anderson and I'm Kid Rock. I'll only stop when I see the ruling classes go down like Rex Reed at Barney Frank's re-election party, and the inevitable transfer of wealth makes Kruschev sprout a woody so big that it knocks the lid off his casket and it flies farther than a Pujols homer."

Miller acknowledged that his mind "changes more often than Cher backstage at the Mirage", but insists he's a Marxist for life.

"There's a better chance of Hansjurgen Johansen flying back to Kiev on a Whiffledorf than there is of me switching party affiliations again."

This reporter didn't understand that last one.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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