Written by Blind Fool -••-
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Topics: soul

Thursday, 15 January 2004

image for Bachelorette Makes Choice After First Meet
This Guy Never Had A Chance

Reality Scoop: Meredith, a now famous bachelorette, picked her soul mate immediately after she was introduced to several eligible guys. This sudden choice caught everyone off guard as this is not the way it usually happens.

An available female searching for her Prince Charming, Meredith is an 180 pound female gorilla in the Primate Center of the San Francisco Zoo. Three male gorillas were released into her own private habitat to compete for her affection.

The first male gorilla was a loser from the start. Blifoo, the smallest one, spent the day pulling out his own hair, as well as poking the ground with his fingers as if he were typing. His anti-social attitude didn't impress Meredith, so he was the first to quickly be shunned.

Next was JJ, a fine primate specimen except for a couple of odd features. First of all his eyes were larger than that of the normal primate-way larger. Apparently Meredith felt he was ogling her all the time. And then there was his hair color, it was green! Primatologists believe this is due to a rare fungus infestation. But no matter what the cause, it was the deciding factor in his rejection by Meredith.

Abdu was obviously the clear choice for Meredith. At a staggering 360 pounds, Abdu is a mature silverback who's experience won over the affections of this bachelorette. His dung slinging abilities were impressive as well. He pegged both Blifoo and JJ from thirty yards out.

So Meredith and Abdu retreated behind a bush where they did the dirty. The two rejects Blifoo and JJ spent this time picking insects off of each other and eating them while having to endure the fevered grunts and howls of mating pleasures for about 45 minutes.

And that's your Reality Scoop for the week!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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