Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Topics: Bono, U2

Wednesday, 4 April 2007

image for U2 in shock split over 'Sir Bono's' honorary knighthood.
'Sir Bono's' new mobile phone holder.

Irish supergroup U2 are at loggerheads this evening apparently over lead singer Bono's honorary knighthood which was presented to him at the British ambassador's residence in Dublin last week.

Sources close to the multi million selling rock group say that Larry Mullen Jr lost the plot when he heard of Bono's decision to accept the gong normally reserved for British and Commonwealth subjects.

And when questioned during a rare interview on Irish DJ Dave Fannings RTE1 show about the spat the private and least outspoken of the four released what seemed to years of bitterness and pent up anger against the bands charismatic frontman.

He said "I'm sick of it. At the start we were just four lad's out to make music, have some fun, make a few quid and maybe get the odd shag along the way but now all Boner wants to do is save the world.

"You go round to his house and there's pictures of him with the Pope and George Bush,Bill Clinton and Kofi Friggin Annan all over the wall's, everywhere!

"Even in the bloody bathroom, you go for a piss in Bono's house and your standing there with your lad in your hand looking at a picture of Bono and Nelson Mandella on the cistern watching you take a leak!"

He continued "I did'nt mind so much at first, the papal decorations and I think the French gave him one and we can all graze our sheep in the centre of Dublin because we have the freedom of the city but now the short arsed little bollocks has a footman carrying his mobile on a silver platter and he answers it right?

"He answers it in a posh voice 'Sir Bono of Dalkey's telephone, whom shall I say craves an attendance'.

"He's even bought a Corgi!

"I've had enough! Bono. He cant even talk to you now without taking a call from a President or Bob Geldof."

Larry finished the outburst with ominous words,

"Shag them all, I'm giving Noel Gallagher a call, see if he'll let me join Oasis!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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